Mini Eggs
by Aspen-SiredBySpike
Summary: A series of Easter oneshots because we all want the Easter Bunny to come early.
1. Excrement

**A/N: Hey, guys! Well, this is the first chapter to my Easter series (which Dolphinace begged me to do). Therefore, this chapter is dedicated to her. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Carlisle won best movie!Cullen, with Alice coming in second, and Edward for third (how could you vote for that ugly thing? Robert Pattinson sucks!).**

**New Poll: Out of the human teenagers cast for the movie, who was the best casting? My vote goes out ot Mike, but that's just me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Excrement**

"What's is that?"

"What?"

"On your face?"

"My face?" Bella asked, her nose crinkling in confusion.

Emmett nodded.

"Well?" Bella said, aggravated.

"Well, what?" Emmett asked, clearly confused.

"What is it?"

"What is what?"

"The stuff you claim is on my face!" Bella exclaimed.

"Oh!" Emmett cried out in realization. "I'm not entirely sure, but it looks like a cross between mud and werewolf excrement."

Bella began to reach up to her face, but stopped abruptly.

"Did you just say excrement?" She questioned.

Emmett just nodded before walking out of the room.

Bella stared after him for a moment before seeking out a mirror. She just got to the bottom of the stairs before Edward appeared in front of her, smiling widely.

"Honey, you've got chocolate on your face." He said, reaching out to chip some of the dried chocolate away.

"I knew I shouldn't have been eating that chocolate bunny." She groaned, reaching up to help him clear her face of brown spots.

"Why were you eating a chocolate rabbit when Easter is still three weeks away?" Edward wondered, wrapping his arms around Bella's waist.

As her response, Bella said only three words: "I like sugar."


	2. Craft's Creatures

**A/N: This is chapter 2. I don't really know what to say except that all of the things mentioned in this chapter, I have made. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Mike is in the lead. Vote. Now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Craft's Creatures**

"I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Why when a holiday is near, every teacher, now matter what subject they teach, feels obligated to give us annoying little craft projects."

"You don't like them?"

"Hardly."

"So you don't like making paper hand turkeys on Thanksgiving?" Bella asked, looking down at her side of the Biology table.

"No." Edward replied, folding his arms across his chest, all the while refusing to do anything that had to do with a pair of safety scissors.

"Cotton ball snowmen for Christmas?" Bella wondered.

"Over my dead body." He snorted.

"Black and orange paper chains for Halloween?"

"I haven't made a paper chain in over ninety years. I don't intend to start now."

"Dreidels for Hanukkah?"

"We don't even celebrate Hanukkah!"

"Does that mean that you don't like the face cloth bunny I made you?" Bella asked, her eyes going wide as she held up her craft for his inspection.

Instantly, his heart melted.

He got to work and within two minutes, he was holding out a bouquet of tissue paper flowers to Bella.

"Well," He said, taking the bunny as he handed her the flowers, "Maybe holiday crafts aren't so bad after all."


	3. Peeps

**A/N: Chapter 3. Wow. I actually wrote this last night just so you know. I'm just posting it now. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Peeps**

"They're green."

"I know."

"They're supposed to be yellow."

"I know."

"Why are they green?"

"I don't know."

"Are those purple ones?"

"Yes."

Jasper and Bella stared down at the packages of Peeps that were lined up in a row on the kitchen counter.

"Who in their right mind would go out and buy fifty packs of multicolored Peeps?" Bella asked, glaring at the bright colored marshmallow confections.

"No one in their right mind." Jasper replied. "They are supposed to be yellow."

"I already said that." Bella protested.

"I know. But I agree with you."

"Hey guy, you like my collection?"

The two looked up to see Emmett hovering above them.

"You have a collection of Peeps." Jasper stated blandly.

"Yeah, why not? It is Easter." Emmett retorted.

"Where are the yellow ones?" Bella asked.

"Yellow ones?"

She just nodded.

"Yellow is boring! Green, purple, pink, and blue are so much cooler." Emmett concluded before walking back out of the room.

Jasper and Bella looked at each other.

He sighed the word "Brothers" while she said "Men".


	4. Of Roses & Circus Tents

**A/N: This chapter was written because I don't have near neough chapters starring only Alice and Rosalie. Sisterly love. How cute. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Mike still winning. Poll still open. Vote.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Of Roses & Circus Tents**

"You're doing it wrong!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"How am I doing it wrong?"

"You just are!"

"There is no right or wrong way to decorate and Easter egg!"

"There is so!"

Sighing, Rosalie set the egg she was painting carefully into its holder, making sure the shell didn't crack. She had thought she was doing good. Her egg shell had been completely covered in pale yellow and she was just beginning to paint miniscule roses on the top and bottom poles when Alice had started yelling at her.

She thought decorating eggs for Easter was supposed to be fun.

"Alice, what is so wrong about the way I'm decorating my egg? It looks just as good as yours!" Rosalie exclaimed, pointing at Alice's multicolored circus-tent of an egg.

"What's wrong? Your color scheme is what's wrong." Alice said matter-of-factly as she painted a bright blue star onto the north pole of her egg.

"My color scheme?" Rosalie asked in disbelief. "What's wrong with yellow and red?"

"Nothing if you're going for the fall foliage look."

"But those colors represent me! Yellow is my hair color and red is for my name! Rose!"

"Roses can be pink."

"I don't like pink roses."

"They're more for spring."

"Alice…"

"And Easter."

"Dear sister…"

"And pink is so much prettier than red."

"Alice! Just let me paint my egg in peace." Rosalie said, picking up her paintbrush as she began touching up her rose petals.

Staring oddly at her sister, Alice muttered "Was it something I said?"


	5. Lion Or Lamb

**A/N: This is just a little ramble. I thought it had to do with Spring, but my friend Eleen corrected me and told me it had to do with March. Since Easter is in March this year, it works. This chapter is dedicated to Eleen for putting up with my nonsensical questions about random topics and rants about Peeps.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Lion Or Lamb**

"I'm going to win."

"No, you're not."

"I am."

"Why are you so positive?"

"Because I have a secret weapon."

"Bella, you can't control the weather."

"Maybe not, but I have someone on my side."

"Who?"

"Edward…"

"Yes?"

"You do realize that it's sunny out, right?"

"Yeah? So?" Edward asked, tossing his head back to look at the sun.

"That means I win." Bella stated plainly, staring out the window.

"How did you win?" He asked, bewildered. "Our bet was to see who could guess how March came in."

"And it came in like a lamb. Just like I said it would."

"Alice's predictions won't help you, Bella."

"How do you know she helped me?"

"If she didn't, you wouldn't have known not to predict 'lion'." Edward smirked, turning to look at her, "But I already won."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's eight in the morning, right?"

"Yeah, so?" Bella said, trying to understand what he was getting at."

"March started at midnight, and at midnight there was a thunderstorm going on. March came in like a lion."

"But… but…" Bella stuttered.

"Therefore I win and you have to let me take you shopping for Easter jewelry."

"Edward, no one gets presents for Easter."

Taking her hand in his, Edward whispered, "You will."


	6. Born To Gorge

**A/N: If you can guess where the title is from, good for you. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Born To Gorge**

"I can't believe you're going through with this."

"Dear, I promised Edward I would do this for Bella."

"Yes, I understand why you would do this type of thing for Bella, but does Charlie have to join us?"

"Yes."

"But Esme, that means we actually have to _eat_ something!"

"Oh Jasper, one human meal won't kill you!"

"I disagree," He muttered under his breath.

"Oh, hush." Esme said, hitting him with her dishtowel. "We will have Easter dinner as a family meal and you will all be on your best behavior. Now be a dear and get the ham out of the oven."

Grudgingly, Jasper opened the oven door and took out the roaster with his bare hands.

"Ahhh!"

"What is it Jazz? Are you burnt?" Esme asked, terrified that her child was hurt.

"Why is it so big?" He screamed, staring at the abnormal size ham.

"Because there will be seven of us at dinner tonight."

"But only two of them actually eat!"

"You know Emmett- he's born to gorge." Esme chuckled.

Jasper crinkled his nose as he set down the ham and closed the oven door. "If you say so."


	7. The Thought That Counts

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all of the Rosalie/Emmett fans who are reading this. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do nto own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**The Thought That Counts**

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"I got you something."

"Em, you didn't need to get me anythi-" Before she could finish, Emmett whipped a bouquet of lilies out from behind his back.

Rosalie stared at them for a moment.

"Lilies?" She managed to get out, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice. "Oh. How very… sweet… of you."

"Oh no. I know that tone of voice." Emmett groaned, dropping his arm to his side. "You're disappointed."

"No, it's just tha-"

"Look, Rose, I know you would have preferred roses, but it's Easter and I thought lilies would be more appropriate."

"Actually, I would have preferred jewelry, but I guess it's the thought that counts." She said, taking the bouquet from him. "Thanks Emmett." She smiled, kissing him on the cheek before gliding out of the room.

Emmett stared after her for a moment, thinking: _Wow, if I get a kiss for something she doesn't want, I wonder what I'll get if I buy her that necklace she has been looking at…_


	8. McRabbit

**A/N: So this is the last day of March Break so I decided that my fanfic strike is over. Here is a chapter for you, and if you're lucky, you'll get a chapter to Audio Life later on today. Read and Review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Mike is your favorite human teen that was cast for the movie.**

**New Poll: Which type of fic would you rather read (basically, I want reader's input for the fic I write after I post the last 3 chapters of this)? Go vote.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**McRabbit**

"No! No! No!"

"I say yes."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I didn't enjoy it last time and now you're forcing us through it again!"

"Everyone else wants to do it."

"Well I don't!"

"But Edward, you have to! Bella wasn't with us last time!"

"She should be glad."

"Edward!"

"Alice, unlike you, not everyone wanted to get their picture taken with Santa Claus."

"Speak for yourself." Emmett scoffed.

"Well I'm sure Rosalie and Jasper agree with me!" Edward exclaimed, turning to his siblings for back up.

"Actually, it was kind of fun." Rosalie said timidly.

"I agree. I think we should do it." Jasper added.

"You are all crazy! Alice, why have you corrupted them? If any of them were in there right mind they wouldn't want to get their picture taken with Jack McRabbit!" Edward cried.

"What do you have against the Easter bunny?" Emmett asked, glaring at his bronze haired brother.

"Nothing! It's just that I'm not six anymore!"

"I say we let Bella decide." Alice smiled, turning to the petite brunette who had been silent during the whole exchange.

Staring wide eyed at Edward, Bella muttered "I'm sorry, but I think it could be fun."

Edward felt like he had been slapped in the face.

"Well, I guess that settles it!" Rosalie said, heading towards the door. "Come on guys, we're taking the M3 and the Mercedes." Everyone filed out behind her, including Bella, leaving Edward standing alone in the middle of the living room floor.

"Damn it!" He cried before trudging angrily out behind them.


	9. Get Collecting

**A/N: Ah, the second last chapter. If you're good and review, this fic will be finished tonight. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Humans are wining. Go vote. I need your opinion.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Get Collecting**

"Oh my Carlisle…"

"Is this a good surprise or what?"

"How many are there?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Are they all for me?" Bella asked in bewilderment, staring around at the mass amount of Easter eggs sitting on every surface of Edward's room.

"Obviously." Edward said, flopping down onto his couch. 

"What are you doing? Aren't you going to help me?" Bella asked, noticing that her vampire boyfriend looked like he was going to take a catnap more so than help her collect her Easter eggs.

"I think I'll just watch you. See how many you can find on your own. If you really need help, then I'll get up." Edward smiled, folding his arms behind his head. "You're basket is on the bed."

After retrieving her bright green basket, Bella began tossing eggs into it.

_Four and a half hours later…_

"There! I think I finally got them all!" Bella sighed, dumping her basket full of chocolate eggs into one of the three garbage bags she had to bring upstairs so that she had a way to transport the ridiculous amount of candy home.

"Think again, Bella." Edward grinned at her dumbfounded expression. 

"There's more?" She said, sweeping the room with her eyes. "I don't see any."

"Do you want a hint? Like how many more there are?"

Bella nodded.

"Three hundred and twelve."

Her jaw dropped.

Edward just chuckled and folded his arms across his chest before saying "Get collecting!"

Scowling, Bella replied "Yeah, if I could find them. Stupid gorgeous vampire who enjoys playing Easter bunny."


	10. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Very Important A/N: Alas! We have reached the end of my Easter series. Sad, right? I'd like to thank you all for your dedicated reading and reviewing. You guysrock almost as much as thelab rat I'll be mention in a minute.I have good news and bad news. The bad news is I won't be starting another series right away. The good news is that I'm not starting a series so I can work on Audio Life and my new CSI fic, "Big Casino Magic" starring Greg Sanders. Yeah, he rocks. So does the mob days and rat pack lingo. If you're interested in CSI or just Greg, check it out. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Humans are winning. Vote now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Hit Me With Your Best Shot**

"Don't even think about it!"

"Emmett!"

"Put it down and we can talk about this nicely…"

"If you get yolk on me I swear on Carlisle's name that I'll-"

"Ahhh!" Alice screeched, cringing as the slimy innards of a brightly painted Easter egg slid down the side of her face.

"Dude!" Jasper cried, running to Alice's side, "You're supposed to boil the eggs before you paint them!"

"Yeah, or blow them!" Rosalie added.

"I blew on it before I painted it." Emmett snickered.

"You're supposed to blow the insides _out_ of the egg, not blow _on_ it." Edward said, bending down to pick up the pieces on broken shell from off of the floor.

Suddenly, his chest felt wet. Glancing down, Edward noticed a wet spot on his shirt, thin trails of white and yellow liquid rolled away from the stain onto the floor where a purple egg shell sat.

"Oh, it's on now." Edward muttered before bolting over to the table and grabbing a handful of brightly colored Easter eggs. 

Before Emmett could run for it, a dark blue one hit him in the stomach. While glaring at his bronze haired brother, a pink on hit the side of his neck.

"What in the-"He began, turning his head to the side so fast he would've obtained whiplash if he weren't immortal. "Jasper?"

"That one was for Alice."

_Smack!_

This time Emmett got a green one right on his forehead.

Everyone looked towards Alice who was now armed and ready for war. 

"I fight my own battles." She smirked before tossing a glittery yellow egg at her bear of a brother. Unfortunately for Edward, Emmett ducked.

"Alice!" Edward cried. "What did I do?"

"I missed." She grinned, taking aim at Emmett once more. 

"Oh no you don't…" Emmett said, grabbing an egg from a nearby table.

Soon Easter eggs were flying in every direction. Laughter rung throughout the house along with shrieks from Rosalie who had yet to throw an egg but had been pelted with about four. All in all, for the Cullens, it was a good Easter.


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